A Cuckold Relationship Examined

We are constantly protecting the male ego, and it's a disservice to men. If a man has any sensitivity or intelligence, he wants to get the straight scoop from his girlfriend. ~ Betty Dodson

Or does he?

In this interview, I speak with “kinks”, a 22 year old college student and self-described alpha male who happens to engage in a cuckold relationship with his current girlfriend. I've had the pleasure of speaking with him both in and out of phone sessions and had the sense that he would be a terrific interview. Don’t let his youngish age fool you; “kinks” is an extremely intelligent and thoughtful man who has already experienced quite a bit in the realm of D/s and erotic humiliation despite his young years.

Though not exclusively, cuckoldry is typically associated with married couples. There tend to be general themes that occur in these relationships which include but are not limited to small penis humiliation (SPH), consensual infidelity, elements of voyeurism, and threesome sex acts. Women who cuckold their men are considered dominant females and the fact that the husband or significant other seems “ok” with her having sex with men who are better capable of sexually satisfying her in turn would define the male as submissive. (Although personally, I tend to question the notion of true male submission as a cuckold at times, especially in circumstances where the husband or boyfriend is the one to initiate, suggest and/or encourage that his wife/girlfriend sleep around because it turns him on. But that's another topic for another day).

In addition to depicting various encounters where he was mocked for his penis size, “kinks” also touches on some elements of cock and ball torture which appear to play a considerable role in the erotic/sensual humiliation piece of his relationships with women. Regardless of your views on relationships between men and women, it's clear that "kinks" feels what he and his girlfriend have agreed upon works for them both.


Miz Ava: So, we have been talking a lot lately about your need to submit to a dominant woman....and that in fact, your current girlfriend cuckolds you. Can we back it up a bit so you can give the picture of how this need in you has evolved?

kinks: Sure. In my earlier and more vanilla relationships, I felt there was something missing, and ultimately I felt unfilled. Before my current girlfriend, I had probably had 5-6 semi-serious to serious girlfriends, and only two had been D/s. The other 3 or 4 were straight-laced, American-pie style relationships. When my current girlfriend came into the picture, I was fairly submissive to her, but we were still exclusive to each other for about 6-8 months, at which point she started expressing dissatisfaction in our love life, which led to the cuckolding.

Miz Ava: And can you share again the scenario of what happened with the girlfriend you had when you were about 17?

kinks: Ah, yes. When I was 17, I was your typical ego-driven high schooler, with decent athletic skill and good grades. I was, in my mind, an alpha male. My friends thought the same of me. And so I would occasionally make comments to my girlfriend, jokingly, about what a great lover I was, and how big my dick was. After a while, she must have grown tired of it, because I said something to her about being above average, and she told me to follow her to her room, where she kept her computer. She shut the door, and told me to take off my pants. I did. She then looked up online the average penis size, which she found to be 6in, and told me to look at my dick, asking if it looked to be 6in. Naturally, I said, yes, thinking I was above average. She quickly grabbed a ruler and showed me that, in fact, i was barely 5 inches. That day put everything into perspective and, I think, planted the humiliation seed

Miz Ava: Right...we've been talking about that too...how those early relationships have such a powerful impact on what we look for and how we behave in future ones

kinks: Agreed. Now, I'll admit, for a while after that incident, I was not a happy guy. I thought she was very rude for doing what she did, and I felt uncomfortable talking with her. But after a while, I realized that I was the one who had been wrong, and I shouldn't hold it against her for showing me the truth and actually helping me accept who I was/am.

Miz Ava: Very key

Miz Ava: Now this was also the girl friend who enjoyed kicking your balls, yes?

kinks: No, that was the next girlfriend. She was quite the ballbuster.

Miz Ava: Ah..ok...sorry for the mix up! Talk to me a bit about "the ballbuster" please

kinks: Well, the girl who told me I have a small dick was the first girl to whom I was a bit submissive. I think it was a natural segue from learning of my size and how she preferred larger cocks. But we eventually broke up, and I got into another relationship that, at the time, seemed fairly vanilla. That is, until she told me one day that she wanted to kick me in the nuts. I thought she was crazy, and I declined to let her kick me for about a week, trying to avoid the pain of a kick in the balls -- and my own uncertainty about her fetish. She explained how much it meant to her, and I wanted to make her happy, and it truly made me happy to see her so happy. So, after a week of hemming and hawing, I let her kick me. Which turned into a D/s relationship in which she would call the shots and, when I didn't listen, discipline me with a kick, knee, punch, etc. to my bare balls.

Miz Ava: Do you think that there is eroticism in pain?

kinks: I think you can't appreciate pleasure without experiencing some pain.

kinks: It heightens the pleasure and takes it to a new level.

Miz Ava: Wow...that's quite perceptive...I have to say I agree with you in that by experiencing pain sensations, the pleasure sensations that follow make for a much more intense experience. Does that make sense?

kinks: It does, and that's also how I feel. For instance, when she would line me up for a kick, I would be nervous because I knew exactly what was coming. She would brush the top of her foot against my ball sack to tease me and sometimes pull a couple of fake kicks before landing the real kick, which almost always put me in the floor. After that, she would usually massage my cock and balls with her foot, then with her hand some oftentimes with her mouth. And I can't even describe how amazing it felt to be taken from that kind of pain to that kind of pleasure. Phenomenal.

Miz Ava: Exactly the point I was trying to drive, though you make it much more vividly


Miz Ava: So, your current girlfriend...is there any element of pain play in this relationship?

kinks: There's an emotional element and a physical element. The physical is in her tendency to kick me in the balls. She controls when I'm allowed to jerk off, and it's not uncommon for her to say something like, "If you can't cum in 2 minutes, you'll receive a kick in the nuts as soon as you do cum." And believe me, I receive the kick in the nuts most times. She loves it. And that's become part of the routine, too, where she will hit or knee my balls if she's simply upset with me. Now, the emotional is just as scarring. You mentioned that I'm her cuckold, and she really delights in making me squirm and making me understand how useless my dick is, how much she prefers bigger cock, usually telling me the details of her latest romp with another guy. She puts me in a vulnerable state of mind and goes for my most sensitive spot -- my ego and manhood.

Miz Ava: Oh yes...the very fragile male ego

Miz Ava: Do you mind talking about what you are doing for your girlfriend tomorrow?

Miz Ava: Because I think that ties in nicely with this discussion on pain, if you feel comfortable discussing that here

kinks: Don't mind at all. She's "asked" -- which means commanded -- me to get circumcised. So, tomorrow at 10am, I'll be under the knife, so to speak. She has said time and again that she dislikes the appearance of my cock, and again, the whole procedure is an assertion of her power over me.

Miz Ava: How long did it take you to agree to go through with this? Was it something you decided on rather quickly?

kinks: Eh, she's mocked my dick in many ways for a long time. And she's made passing comments about castration, too. But those, I think, haven't been very serious. At least not yet. Haha. At any rate, she first started talking about circumcision a few months ago and how/why she wanted me to have it done. It was a pretty big decision, though I'll be the first to admit it was much more her decision than mine. The whole discussion process took about 2-3 weeks, I'd say.

Miz Ava: Interesting. And I think that it bears mentioning here that critics of adult male circumcision point out that it is in fact, common for the male to potentially have decreased sensations during sex once he has had the procedure. How do you feel about that possibility?

kinks: It's a bit scary and may also be part of my girlfriend's intention -- one more way to strip me of my manhood.

Miz Ava: I think you know my thoughts on that. I truly believe that this is part of her intent, to literally strip away another piece of your manhood.

Miz Ava: But you are willing to subject yourself to this possibility...

kinks: Yes I am. If it makes her happy.

Miz Ava: Yes...you submit to her will regardless of how it potentially impacts you.

Miz Ava: Now with the cuckolding element--had you ever had that kind of relationship before this girlfriend?

kinks: No, never. I'd had a couple girlfriends who were not pleased at all with my dick size, and they told me as much, but none of them made me their cuckold. Knowingly, that is. I suppose it's possible that any/all of them cheated on me.

Miz Ava: Tell me in your words what it means to be a cuckold male

kinks: It means putting someone else before yourself. If you have a small dick, for example, and you know your girlfriend or wife prefers large dicks, I think it's selfish to demand that she only have your own small dick in her life. I care about my girlfriend enough -- and we're comfortable enough in our relationship -- that I can still love her, perhaps love her even more, when she's with other men and thus when I know she's happy.

Miz Ava: How is it that you believe you can love her more if she is with another man? How does your ego play into this?

kinks: I can love her more because we've taken things to another level of trust and openness and acceptance. I'm accepting her for who she is and what she wants, and she does the same for me. It strengthens the bond between you. The ego is what fuels the humiliation aspect of cuckolding, because believe me, it can be very humiliating to know that you are are sexually worthless to your girlfriend or wife. Or to know that she has no respect for you as a sexual being because, say, you have a below-average dick. The ridicule that comes with a cuckolding relationship -- mainly from the girlfriend or wife, but also from friends, if they know -- is very, very intense.

Miz Ava: Why do you think there is something so sexually potent that comes with being humiliated? Do you have any thoughts or theories on why for men (typically submissive men) there is a sexual rush that comes via the various forms of humiliation?

kinks: I'm not sure I can generalize to other men, but I can try to explain how it's affected me. First, ever since the experience in HS when my then-girlfriend said I had a small dick, I have loved the feeling of vulnerability. The feeling of objectification. And to some extent, humiliation involves both because it means that someone is judging you as a person, a sexual being, etc. So, it puts you on display, so to speak, and when the humiliation is sexual in nature -- small dick, premature ejaculation, can't get it hard, etc. -- it really strikes at your ego and your manhood, making you feel very vulnerable and objectified.


Miz Ava: Yes...being put on display...objectified even...there is something so very raw in that which almost can't help but tie in with one's sexual identity

kinks: It's true. When you have a ruler against your dick, and a girl grinning, eventually telling you how small you are, it's a huge rush of humiliation and also sexual excitement.

Miz Ava: I am just so fascinated by the way that all comes together...the humiliation and the erotic

Miz Ava: Do you have time to talk a little about the first time your girlfriend truly cuckolded you? That first experience?

kinks: Let's see. The first time she cuckolded me was a very nervous time for me. I didn't know what to expect and also didn't know if she'd follow through. We'd talked about it after she informed me of how terrible I am at sex, but making it a reality is always something much different. She set up a date with a guy whom she knew was a total man whore (and also had a big dick) and allowed him to take her to his place to watch a movie. (Remember, we're in college, so it's not uncommon for a guy and a girl to just watch a movie.) Of course, she knew exactly what she wanted, and before the movie ended, she said she was sucking his cock and shortly thereafter fucking him.


I was at our apartment just waiting, doing some work and trying to keep my mind from jumping through my skull. After about 3 hours of her being gone, I heard the key in the door, and she was disheveled, and I just knew she had sealed the deal. Her hair was messed up, and her top didn't look the same as when she left. So she smiles at me and tells me to strip. I'm naked within a nano-second, (laughs) and she walked over to give me a kiss, wetter than usual, and told me that she had sucked his cock and swallowed. Which I believed because I could taste his cum. Talk about making it real for me. There was no doubt she had done the deed. Meanwhile, I'm rock hard, and she's stroking me a bit, telling me a few details at a time -- how big he was, how strong, how he can last much longer than me -- and then directs me to the bedroom, where she kindly jerked me off.

kinks: The next morning, we had a talk (when we were less horny, more sound of mind) to discuss the previous night, and ultimately decided that cuckolding was the right kind of lifestyle for us.

Miz Ava: So you would say with a fair degree of certainty, that cuckolding has been a way to intensify the sexual side of your relationship...both for your girlfriend and for you?

kinks: Oh yes, for both of us. Which sounds so strange at face value because I haven't been allowed to have sex in a long, long time. I only get handjobs and the very, very rare blowjob.

Miz Ava: And the way you are allowed sexual release...this is based on a kind of reward system, yes?

kinks: Yes. I'm only allowed release when she believes I've earned it, sometimes the result of doing things for her, buying things for her, or generally good behavior. It's also supervised. When it's not a handjob or blowjob, she watches me jerk off.

Miz Ava: Right, you had mentioned that…about her watching...now, when you jerk off in front of her, she is verbally humiliating you, correct?

kinks: Uh huh. Most of the time she's ridiculing me for having to fuck other men, for my having a cock that can't satisfy her, for my having small balls -- things along that line.


Miz Ava: I know you are running late...so before we wrap up, is there anything we haven't touched on that you'd like to discuss or add?

kinks: Hmmm. I guess If I were to add one thing, I would ask you your opinion of small penis humiliation -- why it's effective, some ways to do it -- and of what size and below is worthy of humiliation. I know most guys into the fetish, and many who read the interview, will be curious about that.

Miz Ava: Ahh...clever way to get me to reveal my thoughts on Small Penis Humiliation

Miz Ava: Sure, I will give my theories

kinks: Excellent

Miz Ava: I think that a lot of why SPH is effective comes down to the kind of society we live in...and the general expectations (and stereoytypes) we associate with gender

Miz Ava: At risk of sounding overly feminist, Western society is and has been patriarchal through the ages...there is a notion of masculine power dominating the way the world works

Miz Ava: We associate masculinity with virility...and it doesn't take much to see the covert and overt symbols in society that hail the concept of a man with a big penis is a powerful man in his own right


Miz Ava: So, “attacking” a man at this core place of identity is so powerful...I mean, you and I have talked about ego…


Miz Ava: And I would hypothesize that for men who get off on being humiliated in this way...its really a sign of their need to let a woman take over...society is pretty rough on males, expectations are very high, I’m confident even you would agree with at least that much

Miz Ava: There is a serious imbalance of power and gender inequality throughout the world...and for some men, I think that it is actually recognized on some levels

Miz Ava: And it frees them to give their *power* over to a female...and in that liberation, there is a sense of release...could be sexual, but not necessarily

Miz Ava: Now, as for size

Miz Ava: I’ve told you about how I personally prefer girth to length....say, if a guy is in the 5 inch range but is thick around, I could work with that

Miz Ava: And if we are going with the concept or statistic that 6 inch is the average penis size, well then according to that, anyone under 6 inches would be inadequate, right?

kinks: *Sigh* Yes, under 6 is inadequate. And we all know my size.

Miz Ava: Yes we do now (smiles)

Miz Ava: So for me...if I wanted to humiliate a man for having a small dick---

Miz Ava: It wouldn't just be about spewing a litany of insults...that's too easy

Miz Ava: And I think this basically ties in to my domination style/style of erotic humiliation approaches, I'd be much more inclined to mess with the guy's head (the one atop his shoulders)

Miz Ava: And let him know in subtle ways he's not a real man....(whatever a real man is supposed to be anyway)

Miz Ava: Peppering in comments about his so-called “little” dick for extra impact

Miz Ava: That's how I'd approach it if I were in such a situation and if SPH were an element we wanted to explore

kinks: I'm curious, this doesn't have to be for the interview, but would measuring play any role in it? That's been a favorite of my girlfriend.

Miz Ava: Sure, why not? I mean, visual evidence...how much more concrete can you get?

kinks: Not much. (laughs) I'm terrified of rulers.

Miz Ava: I'll have to remember that next time we have a session...maybe I'll have you bring a ruler and I'll ask you to tap your cock with it in between strokes...that blends our discussion of pleasure, pain, and humiliation quite nicely, don't you think? (wink)

kinks: As long as you don't make me measure myself....


Miz Ava: Oh come on. If I wanted you to, you would

Miz Ava: And you know it

kinks: I would, and I would report the results to you immediately -- and would report them to anyone else you wanted to know.

Miz Ava: Nice

kinks: (grins)

Miz Ava: I also wanted to ask you if you consider cuckolding the same thing as cheating. How do you view this?

kinks: Well, it depends. The dictionary definition would imply that someone who has been cheated on is officially a cuckold. But I tend to think a cuckold is someone who knows of his girlfriend's or wife's affairs and who accepts it.

Miz Ava: Interesting answer

Miz Ava: I mean, some people will say anytime a partner has sexual relations with someone other than their significant other, its cheating...but others would say it doesn’t *really* constitute cheating if all parties are aware and consenting

kinks: No, I don't think that's cheating because cheating itself means you're doing something wrong. And if all parties consent, it may go against some social folkway, but that doesn't make it inherently wrong. It just means you're going against the grain and doing what's best for you.

Miz Ava: Very well put


kinks: Thanks

Miz Ava: You seem to have a pretty positive, healthy attitude...that's impressive

kinks: I'm at the point now where I'm accepting of who I am and I'm pretty comfortable with things.

Miz Ava: That pretty much means everything though


kinks: Let me ask you this one thing -- do you think some men are born cuckolds?


Miz Ava: I think that if you are tying in a gender/biological element, like for example, if we are talking about a bisexual cuckold, there may be something to that. Or, put it this way: if a man is born gay and has always been drawn to other men sexually and uses the cuckold relationship to get that, it would seem there might be a bit of biological destiny involved (that is, if you believe that people are born gay and don’t ‘become’ gay). Of course, you could also say that if a male is born with a small cock that never matures into what is considered the norm for size, then there might be a sense of biological and psychological imperative there as well

Miz Ava: Does that make sense?

kinks: The latter is what I was mostly wondering about, yeah. Basically, if perhaps I was born a cuckold.

Miz Ava: Well, if we take everything we've talked about into consideration, then it would appear that you were born to be exactly where you are

Miz Ava: A sense of the inevitable, perhaps

kinks: Very interesting. And you would say part of it is because of my size?

Miz Ava: Well yes...essentially...and in that it would be a sort of biological imperative for you...however you cannot deny that there is a socially constructed piece to it as well

kinks: Absolutely, I agree on both counts. The social aspect is more tangible and understandable to me, while I've always wondered more generally if guys with small dicks -- all of them -- would be better suited for cuckolding than a traditional relationship.

Miz Ava: Now you're sounding almost a bit Darwinian

Miz Ava: Survival of the thickest? (winks)


kinks: Haha...exactly!

Miz Ava: But you see where I’m going with this?

kinks: Oh yeah, the small dicks will serve while the big reproduce

Miz Ava: Exactly

Miz Ava: Lots of interesting connections here, fascinating areas to explore

kinks: I've wondered if my girlfriend will ever let me have children with her....not sure

Miz Ava: Well, you'd have to be having sex with her first of all, so...

Miz Ava: I mean, would she be willing to allow that act just so you two could have a family? I don't know....that's something personal to your relationship

kinks: I'm really not sure....she may instead have a larger guy impregnate her, which honestly seems more likely to me

Miz Ava: This wouldn't be uncommon in a cuckold scenario

kinks: Really? I didn’t know that

Miz Ava: Take a look at this when you have time:
http://www.theinternetcollege.org/tic_letter22.htm#wifewith

Miz Ava: There's an interesting part on evolutionary theory/cuckoldry

kinks: Thank you very much, I'll be sure to give it a thoughtful read!!

Miz Ava: Sure thing

Miz Ava: And thank you for participating in this interview...its been a pleasure to speak with you

kinks: It's been great. You're a lot of fun and very smart, too.