To me gender is not physical at all, but is altogether insubstantial. It is soul, perhaps, it is talent, it is taste, it is environment, it is how one feels, it is light and shade, it is inner music. . . ~ Jan Morris
Today's discussion and interview are brought to The Erotic and Sensual Humiliation Newsletter courtesy of a very vivacious, open, and animated sissy male who goes by the nickname of Pantysue.
Pantysue has been exploring femaleness in recent years in a myriad of ways. She enjoys talking about the different steps taken to cultivate and nurture the need she has to experience a kind of "escape" that allows her to satisfy her cravings for things feminine.
There are a variety of forms sissy-hood takes. As you will read, a man who identifies himself as a sissy is not necessarily a homosexual. In fact, for many sissies it is about the rush that comes with surrendering their masculine tendencies (even if for a brief duration) in front of and for the benefit and amusement of an efficacious woman. Whether a sissy male puts on panties or women's clothing, shaves some or all of his body hair, styles his hair in a feminine manner or enjoys having his Mistress penetrate him with a strap-on dildo, the main theme seems to be one of relinquishing control of the perceived masculine. Some sissies have no desire to include men in their fantasies or experiences and others express this is something they relish. Yet other sissies simply enjoy the commaradarie afforded to them by sharing "female" oriented activities and past times through good old fashioned girl talk with women who may or may not neccesarily be Mistresses or domme's.
In a society where sexuality is an oft debated topic, one might wonder why a man (whether he is heterosexual, bisexual or gay) would want to deliberately subject himself to potentially humiliating encounters which ultimately flip notions of gender and sexuality on their collective heads. Yet, I think that within that very statement lies, at least partially, the explanation. Let's face it people, in the majority of the Western world even today, we still believe that men are supposed to be strong, aggressive, powerful, dynamic and in charge--all of the time. That's a lot of pressure. There is also something subversively satisfying about behaving in the opposite way of how society expects a person to present him or herself based on the gender they were born with. For the sissy male, regardless of whether it is a lifestyle choice or a temporary retreat from the societal imposed restrictions of gender, embracing a feminine approach to relating in the world can be a necessary way to just....let...go. Add to that the fantasy element of being "forced" to surrender one's masculinity and submit their will to their domme, and you have the makings of a potent power exchange between the sissy male and the dominant who is directing the scene.
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Miz Ava: Thanks for agreeing to be interviewed, pantysue. Let me start by asking you what prompted you to explore what it meant to be a sissy/submissive?
pantysue: I loved wearing lingerie from a very young age... started to like the look of femdoms in my late teens. Eventually the two came together and being the sissy submissive was where I felt the most at home...
Miz Ava: How would you define the word "sissy"?
pantysue: A male who wants to act and dress as a female, but knows that being able to truly live as a female will never happen... but he still somewhat relishes the thought of trying! He also would enjoy wearing pretty lacy frilly stuff so that there is no question!
Miz Ava: Would you say there is a difference between a sissy and a cross-dressing (CD) male?
pantysue: Oh yes...
Miz Ava: Please share your thoughts and feelings on this...because a lot of people believe these are the same.
pantysue: There are lots of forms of crossdressing... many cross-dressing males are sincerely trying to pass as females
pantysue: A sissy isn't necessarily trying to pass... unless Mistress wants it so
pantysue: I think the sissy aspect of crossdressing is also more of a humiliation sort of thing. In the same way being dressed as a maid has more of an erotic theme to it than just crossdressing, being a sissy has a similar theme but for me it is more of a humiliation thing...
pantysue: I also enjoy hearing Mistress tell me about the boobies I will never have, but how cute I look in my training bra trying... or how silly my sissy clitty is!
Miz Ava: So for you, the humiliation piece is very powerful and desirable
Miz Ava: Would you say that perhaps there is a difference between a sissy and a CD, in that a sissy wants to *be* a girl where a CD just wants to try to look like one, even if for a temporary moment?
pantysue: Sometimes... but for me it is as simple as the difference between wearing a black thong or lacy pink panties with a pretty bow on them. A CD might be trying to look like a real passable woman in the best way s/he could... a sissy doesn't mind that everyone knows s/he is not a woman!
Miz Ava: Ah, that's a very key point
pantysue: As for the humiliation part... it varies. Sometimes that is fun, other times just "girl talk" is fun. I love to do all sorts of things!
Miz Ava: Does the humiliation element become erotic for you when you engage in it with a Mistress?
pantysue: Without a doubt... can I use You as an example Miz Ava?
Miz Ava: Certainly, pantysue
pantysue: Well You do have such lovely breasts.... having me tell You how beautiful they are, and then You telling me that I can only dream of having such lovely breasts would get me going. Comparing my AA bra to Yours... that sort of thing... maybe even having me buy a bra for You and sending to You
pantysue: There are lots of places this humilation can go...
Miz Ava: It sounds like for you, being humiliated has more to do with hearing/knowing that you essentially lack something...the certain physical traits of femaleness---is that correct?
pantysue: Yes... All of You Mistresses are so gorgeous!
pantysue: I guess it is the opposite of penis envy?
Miz Ava: You know, that's a good way of looking at it! I never quite thought of it that way. So, what are some of the other places humiliation can go for you?
pantysue: There is the shopping humiliation... having to ask the sales lady to help me find the right bra
Miz Ava: The public humiliation....very, very powerful
pantysue: Just going into the nail salon was humiliating... but I got way over that! Also, having to wear my cock cage in publicmakes me feel somewhat humiliated.
Miz Ava: In your blog you mentioned becoming more comfortable with shopping, are you finding it to be easier to go out and buy girlie items?
pantysue: Each time things get easier... but that is why Ms Grace will keep adding a twist to my next assignment. Keeps this sissy on the edge
Miz Ava: Yes, that is very key
pantysue: Never pushing too far... just enough!
Miz Ava: Exactly, there is a balance
pantysue: But I should tell You one thing that may have been as erotic as anything!
Miz Ava: Oh please do!
pantysue: The first time Ms Grace had me take my bubble bath and all, she made me wrap the towel around myself as a woman would wrap a towel around her body...I had the towel around my boobies and this was as erotic as anything! It was such a simple gesture, but certainly something that helps make the wo/man!
Miz Ava: Very often those simple gestures are the most potent ones
Miz Ava: Now, tell me....do you enjoy dressing fully in female clothing or do you prefer the lingerie, accessories to full female attire?
pantysue: I have done it, but I am really not passable...
Miz Ava: Have you ever gone out dressed in full?
pantysue: Most of the time it is panties and bra with falsies and a nightie...I've never gone out dressed other than wearing panties. Another simple thing I enjoy is wearing women's deodrant.
Miz Ava: Very nice!! Do you often wear panties/bras/lingerie under your regular masculine attire?
pantysue: As much as I can... its hard to hide the bra though
Miz Ava: That is true. What are some of your favorite pieces of underthings/lingerie?
pantysue: I just had this pink satin training bra custom made for me through eBay... it is sooooo sweet! Also, all of my panties have to be either pink, have flowers on them or lace. that is part of the sissy thing in my mind. A CD could wear "Jockey for Her" and someone might not think twice if they were seen. Lacy pink panties on the other hand...
Miz Ava: Right...there is no mistaking what wearing lacy pink panties represents
pantysue: I love wearing heels too...I was actually surprised how easy it was for me!
Miz Ava: Do you have many pairs of women's shoes?
pantysue: No... just a pair of heels and a pair of jeweled sandals. I would love to get a pair of the mirabou slippers though... pink of course!
Miz Ava: Of course (smiles)
Miz Ava: Tell me what it was like when you went for that first pedicure....what was going through your head when you were in the salon, waiting for them to call on you?
pantysue: Probably the biggest thing was hoping no one I knew came in....
Miz Ava: Were there many people there that day?
pantysue: No... just two other women, both getting manicures. I was the only one getting a pedicure.Once it started it was great... but asking for the top coat was a little scary. But just like with shopping... each time gets easier! At my pedi last week, I even asked for a light pink polish!
Miz Ava: That must have been an exciting step for you
Miz Ava: How did you feel the women who worked in the salon behaved toward you, that first visit?
pantysue: She was actually fine... the second one was more chatty with me. I think if a sissy feels at ease the women around her do too!
Miz Ava: That's a very perceptive thing to notice. And it makes a lot of sense
pantysue: I am pretty comfortable about most of thsese things... even asking for XL panties at Victoria's Secret. Did You know that they don't carry XL in their stores except for some of the granny type in the far back?
Miz Ava: No, I didn't know that....
pantysue: See what You learn chatting with pantysue!
Miz Ava: I love learning new things!
pantysue: I searched dozens of drawers at one VS.... finally asked the sales lady at the second one!
Miz Ava: Did you find a nice pair or were you stuck with the granny panties?
pantysue: I also went to Macy's... they have more of my size
Miz Ava: Tell me, is there anyone in your life that knows of this part of you?
pantysue: No one knows of this sissy school part of me...
Miz Ava: What brought you to the Sissy School site?
pantysue: It is so opposite from the me in my business world!
pantysue: The first site I actually looked into was Xtra Talk with MsJane.... it was pretty cool, but She stopped taking calls, so I kept searching. Was with House of Sissification for some time... but when I saw the Mistresses at SissySchool I was hooked!
Miz Ava: And how long ago was this?
pantysue: Probably in and out for a couple of years!
Miz Ava: Wow...pretty cool!
pantysue: No matter what other sites I try...I always seem to come back!
Miz Ava: Well, its nice to have you with us! Now you mentioned just a moment ago...about how thisside of you is quite the opposite of how you present in your work world
pantysue: Yes?
Miz Ava: Do you feel that it helps to have this separate from the other areas of your life...like engaging in sissy activity is a way for you to relax and unwind? Or would you prefer to have this overlap with the rest of your life, if you didn't have to worry about dealing with issues other people might have?
pantysue: It is absolutely the relax and escape thing... Ms Grace joked about how She gets home and takes off Her bra to relax, I get to my hotel and put mine on to relax!
Miz Ava: Oh, that is classic!!
Miz Ava: So would you want this to be a part of your daily life, if you knew there wouldn't be repurcussions?
pantysue: I am not sure about that part of the question, but I think just having this fantasy played out every once in a while keeps it fun and special!
Miz Ava: That's a very interesting thing you just said
pantysue: I do like my real life.... it has been pretty good to me! It affords me the opportunity to spend all the time I do with the Mistresses
pantysue: So much of what is erotic is in the head... anticipation of things can really be great!
Miz Ava: I understand. I do wonder that if what makes this work for you is the fact that it is something you choose to do as a way of treating yourself....like you said, indulging in the fantasy once in a while makes it more special. Oh I agree....the brain is the most potent sexual organ we have!
Miz Ava: Anticipation is a huge factor in building up toward fantasy, I agree
pantysue: There does need to be that little edge... trying something new each time. Although doing things like the bubble bath and reading Glamour always work
Miz Ava: I think we all like to be able to push boundaries a little more in these kinds of scenarios....there is a rush that comes with challenging yourself in new ways, isn't there?
pantysue: I just am not sure if I am ready to try that fuck-me-red nail polish yet!
Miz Ava: Baby steps, sweet pantysue...baby steps
Miz Ava: By the way, where did the name pantysue come from? I know you love panties...but how did you arrive at the screen name?
pantysue: Not exactly sure, but probably from "Peggy Sue" figured it was a cute name...
pantysue: There probably is something else we should discuss...
Miz Ava: Sure, go right ahead
pantysue: I like to be made to suck a dildo and even get fucked... but I'm not into men. Its strictly the strap-on for me!
Miz Ava: I'm glad you brought that up....many people have a misconception about the sexuality aspect-- just because someone is a sissy, that does not automatically imply they are into men
pantysue: There is something about being in panties and bra on my knees, mouth around the dildo staring up at a Mistresses beautiful breasts...well... that just about covers it all!
Miz Ava: Well I think it comes back to a need you have to get lost in a more submissive side of your personality...even if only temporarily
pantysue: There is something about being denied access to Your pussy too that is erotic... because we both know you are saving it for a real man!
Miz Ava: Denial can be a powerful tool...and combined with the right touch of humiliation...it can be a heady experience
pantysue: You aren't even asking questions now! It's like I am on Your couch...
Miz Ava: Ahhhh pantysue..."Dr." Ava has ways of getting you to reveal all to me....(laughs)
Miz Ava: Tell me....what do you enjoy best about this part of your life?
pantysue: My whole life or this part?
Miz Ava: The sissy part
pantysue: It changes I guess....used to be just putting on the lingerie.. right now though I am enjoying giving myself up to Ms Grace. I never thought I would enjoy cock control, but there is something erotic about Her controling me.
Miz Ava: Yes, giving up control like that is often very erotic
pantysue: The other night, She let me take off the cage.... get right to the brink then made me put it back on. It was an excrutiating night, but instead of the hotel wake up call, it came from Her! Once She let me remove the cage it took no time!
Miz Ava: Wow....that is very intense!
pantysue: It sure was...
Miz Ava: Is there anything you can think of that we haven't touched on that you'd like to discuss before we wrap up?
pantysue: I can't think of anything in particular... so am I pretty typical?
Miz Ava: Yes, I think you are typical in the way you describe how you enjoy the fantasy aspect and how this becomes a way for you to indulge in a more submissive part of yourself
Miz Ava: I also think that you are unique in that you are open about wanting to keep an edge to your experiences...you seem to like pushing the envelope just a bit...even if you are not completely sure what those boundaries are beforehand
pantysue: Makes it exciting...
Miz Ava: Which offers the opportunity for some pretty amazing experiences!
pantysue: What's the worst thing that is going to happen in Victoria's Secret? They actually find a AA and XL matching bra and panty set?
Miz Ava: Right! Now that's putting things into perspective!
Miz Ava: I think we all owe it to ourselves to live 'outside of the box' once in a while...otherwise we become stale, dull and even a little sad
Miz Ava: There really are so many ways to explore sexuality
pantysue: We sure do need to explore... maybe I will even try the fuck me red sometime!
Miz Ava: Ya never know...
pantysue: Bet You look good in it though!
Miz Ava: The most important thing is that you are happy with where you are, pantysue
Miz Ava: And red is a good color for me, yes
pantysue: I couldn't be happier...
Miz Ava: But you have a good balance on things...that is key
pantysue: Good balance and a little edge....
Miz Ava: Ahhh....the very best two things in combination!!
Miz Ava: So much possibility exists in that
Miz Ava: You have been such a pleasure to talk to
pantysue: Thank You Mistress... it has been this sissy's pleasure!
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On a final note, I just would like to request that all readers keep in mind that these interviews are meant to be entertaining, informative and ideally educational. If the subject matter of today's (or any day's) newsletter if offensive or if a reader does not agree with the interviewees lifestyle choice, I simply ask that an attitude of tolerance be maintained and that flaming or harrassing of any kind be refrained from.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Exploring The Clothed Female/Naked Male Fetish
"Walk Nude, and people won't need to undress you with their eyes. "~ anonymous
This will be the first interview in an ongoing series exploring the various nuances, complexities, experiences, and tastes that make up the context of D/s exchanges, BDSM, fetishes and the desire for humiliation in various erotic scenarios.
In this first interview, I spoke with Jay, a 49 year old male who discusses his nearly life-long "clothed female naked male" (CFNM) fetish. CFNM is one of those fetishes that does not appear to have gone mainstream, as of yet. Many men who seek CFNM encounters seem to enjoy the experience of being naked, exposed and even somewhat vulnerable in front of a confident, domimant and clothed woman. Sometimes they are required to perform certain acts of servitude for the clothed female while they are naked, other times they may even be directed to do various tasks, some sexual in nature, some not. Other men appear to enjoy being forced into engaging in various degrees of humiliating acts while they are naked in front of the clothed female.
Jay recently has been bringing this form of erotic fantasy and humiliation into a more regular practice in his life. Jay placed on ad on Craig's List not long ago seeking a Mistress who might indulge him in this fetish. Though Craig's List, he met such a woman, and for the past couple of months, Jay and his Mistress have been engaging in various CFNM scenarios.
Throughout our interview, it becomes apparent that through exploring the CFNM fetish, Jay was able to reach a level of submission by being objectified by his the females in his life when he is placed in the more vulnerable position of presenting himself in the nude to women while she/they remain clothed, and essentially in complete control over Jay and his sexuality.
Jay: I was so damn scared
Miz Ava: What scared you?
Jay: Well first off, I was outnumbered and they were the opposite sex
Miz Ava: Right
Jay: So they got their orders from my parents and I was told to make sure I listen to them
Miz Ava: Sure and you knew that essentially your well being was in their hands
Jay: Yes
Miz Ava: So they had that leverage over you too
Jay: Yes, so after that my day proceeded as normal I went over a neighbors house to play
Jay: It got to be about 5 pm, and my friends neighbor said my sister called and was coming to get me
Miz Ava: Yes..
Jay: I had forgotten about my sisters babysitting me
Miz Ava: Ah, ok
Jay: I began to think and got scared
Miz Ava: And then what happened?
Jay: I went home they had dinner ready and as we had dessert, the oldest told me to take my bath after dinner. They did not want me to get it too late
Miz Ava: Of course
Jay: After dinner, I put on the tv and my one sister went upstairs and I heard the water running
Miz Ava: Yes, go on...
Jay: Soon, the other sister said, "ok lets go"
Jay: In my head I thought, what is going on here? Why are they both helping me?
Miz Ava: Did you not expect them to?
Jay: I figured one of them would
Miz Ava: I see...it struck you as odd that both would be involved in bath time
Jay: So I walked upstairs with my sister behind me...and went to my room which is down the hall from the bathroom
Jay: Neither followed me into my room, but eventually one came back to tell me to hurry up because she needed my clothes to wash
Jay: So I had my tshirt and undies left on and I asked her, should I just drop them right here? And she said "yes"
Miz Ava: Had you ever been nude in front of either of them like that before?
Jay: In a casual way but my parents were always in the house before
Miz Ava: Ok
Jay: So I was nude and she glanced over and said go getinto your bath as she picked up my clothes. I hurried down the hall and entered the bathroom, but my other sister was not there
Jay: I felt relieved and I closed the door and got in the tub
Jay:I began to wash and for a moment my fears left me. But I heard the door creak open and they were both outside asking if i was ok
Jay: I told them yes, I was. Then the oldest sister walked in and said my mom wanted her to check to make sure I had washed my hair
Jay :I told her I was fine but she proceeded to reach for the shampoo
Jay: She sat on the tub and watched as I finished washing up and she began to wet my head and wash my hair. Of course I closed my eyes, so I never knew if she was looking at me
Miz Ava: But you probably sensed she was
Jay: Yes
Jay: That was the beginning of it. After that, it seemed like there were somehow situations where I often was naked in front of one or both of them
Miz Ava: And so this memory of you being exposed in front of them seems to have planted the seed for your adult fantasies?
Jay: I think so, since I was convinced that they enjoyed seeing me naked
Miz Ava: Interesting....its as if knowing of their enjoyment contributed to yours as well on some levels
Jay: Yes
Miz Ava: Did you ever feel humiliated at all by any of this?
Jay: At the very beginning, yes
Miz Ava: But then something shifted....and you began to associate a kind of pleasure with being naked or on display in front of clothed females
Jay: Yes, that's right
Miz Ava: Besides the current one, would you characterize any of your adult relationships as ones where you were knowingly submissive to your partner?
Jay:A few times I experienced that with my former wife
Miz Ava: Can you explain that a bit?
Jay: She knew how much I loved her and enjoyed her sexual advancements toward me
Miz Ava: So you preferred her to take a more dominating role in terms of your sexual relationship?
Jay: Oh yes
Miz Ava: And she was comfortable with this?
Jay: I think so. For example, she told me how she loved to perform oral sex, but she didn't enjoy my pubic hairs getting into her mouth and she asked me if it was ok to trim my pubic hair or consider becoming smooth for her. I told her it was not a problem so we made a date after work and she shaved me bald.
Jay: We both loved it
Miz Ava: And you felt this was an act of submission toward her?
Jay: I did because I had never even trimmed down there let alone shave it all off
Miz Ava: Right, that was a big step for you!
Jay: Yes but she made it easy and I have to admit I liked it because she liked it so much
Miz Ava: Of course...and it wasn't as though you were forced into this
Jay: Right
Miz Ava: And she was encouraging, which helps
Jay: Yes, and sometimes she would order to me to do things like remove my bath towel in front of her or she'd lie on the bed bed and look under the covers at me naked
Miz Ava: Was she clothed when she would do those things to you?
Jay: Yes. Then, it was about a month or so after that when she brought up the idea of bondage
Miz Ava: Interesting
Jay: I thought so
Miz Ava: So what happened from there?
Jay: She would use my ties to tie me up and leave me lying spread eagle and she'd just tease me
Miz Ava: And how did that go?
Jay: It was nice but also frustrating. She enjoyed bringing me to the brink and stopping and starting over and doing it all again
Miz Ava: So she would control your orgasm
Jay: Yes
Miz Ava: Did she ever deny you outright?
Jay: No, but sometimes I thought she was going to
Miz Ava: And that's the exciting (though agonizing) part...not knowing what she might do and just surrendering your will like that
Jay: Yes and eventually I became ok with it, and succomed to her desire to get my penis fully erect and leaking and then she'd just go away and leave me like that
Miz Ava: Sounds like some serious teasing. Were there other ways she dominated you?
Jay: At family affairs she would bring it up our sex life to her siblings. She even had me show her sister my shaved cock and balls
Miz Ava: Wow. And so you were then displayed in front of her sister
Jay: Yes
Miz Ava: Was that humiliating for you?
Jay: Well it was obvious they wanted to see my penis
Miz Ava: So would you say you felt objectified?
Jay: Yes, but I did like this more as time went on
Miz Ava: So it excited you just the same
Jay: When I was naked in front of my wife, all it would take was for her to just talk to me and without any physcial contact I'd get an erection
Miz Ava: What would she say to you?
Jay: How great I looked... and asking me whether my erection bothered me
Jay: She enjoyed me getting arosued with out any contact. Sometimes she would tell me to go our bedroom and wait for her. When she'd come upstairs, she'd tell me to undress. She would stay dressed and would sit down and talk to me and play with my cock during this time.
Miz Ava: So how long were you married to your ex wife?
Jay: 22 years
Miz Ava: Wow, that's quite a long time! Can I ask why the relationship ended?
Jay: She began cheating on me with her boss
Miz Ava: Oh, ok
Jay: Toward the end we had not had sex for a while
Miz Ava: I understand
Miz Ava: So by the time your marriage ended, you had actually expereinced CFNM scenarios quite a bit
Jay: Yes, that's right
Miz Ava: Did you consciously think of what you were doing as an act of submission?
Jay: No, but I realized I like to be controlled by women who enjoy doing this
Miz Ava: I see. Now today, you would recognize that these are submissive tendencies that you have?
Jay: Oh yes. But now I succumb to them.
Miz Ava: Yes, you have become comfortable in your submission
Jay: Very much so
Miz Ava: Why do you think it fits you so well?
Jay: I enjoy pleasing women that enjoy having their way with me. My current mistress has talked about sharing me.
Miz Ava: And you've had what seems to be a lifelong history of being in situations where women have objectified you and this has brought you a lot of pleasure
Jay: Yes, this does
Miz Ava: So you've associated your submission with something pleasurable, erotic even
Jay: Yes, exactly
Miz Ava: Now the younger lady you are currently seeing---when you got together with her, was it established right away that you were in a Mistress/Submissive relationship?
Jay: Yes I put an ad on Craig's List for a CFNM relationship, not for a girlfriend
Miz Ava: Right
Miz Ava: And she responded with the intent of becoming your Mistress
Jay: Yes. At the beginning she liked the fact I could be around her while I was nude and she did not owe me anything or have any sexual obligtaion toward me.
Jay: She told me she liked looking at naked men
Miz Ava: Has she been naked in front of you?
Jay: Not fully yet
Jay: I've given her back massages, nothing else
Miz Ava: And you've been seeing her for how long?
Jay: 6 weeks
Miz Ava: Yes, ok
Jay: I've washed and made love to her feet
Miz Ava: Nice
Jay: Yes, she shows her appreciation
Miz Ava: And she has mentioned sharing you at some point?
Jay: She has, yes
Miz Ava: And how do you feel about this?
Jay: Its fine. She has a close friend of who is over weight and had not been with a guy for some time
Miz Ava: And what would your role be in that?
Jay: To do whatever she asks me to do
Miz Ava: I see
Miz Ava: What do you think makes a good submissive? What are some important traits?
Jay: You must be a good listener and be able to take orders as specified by others
Jay: For me I enjoy being a sub to the female gender
Miz Ava: Yes, you clearly have some strong feelings tied in with female superiority
Jay: Yes and I'm fine with it
Miz Ava: And there is nothing wrong with that!
Jay: Thank you.
Miz Ava: Wow, you've shared so much with me! This has been just great. Thank you.
*******
And for the record, to be true to his fetish, Jay did offer to expose himself and masturbate on his webcam for me toward the conclusion of our interview. I explained to him that this is not something acceptable for an informal occasion such as these interviews, but this is something that many clients of Phone Humiliation enjoy doing for Mistresses during their sessions.
This will be the first interview in an ongoing series exploring the various nuances, complexities, experiences, and tastes that make up the context of D/s exchanges, BDSM, fetishes and the desire for humiliation in various erotic scenarios.
In this first interview, I spoke with Jay, a 49 year old male who discusses his nearly life-long "clothed female naked male" (CFNM) fetish. CFNM is one of those fetishes that does not appear to have gone mainstream, as of yet. Many men who seek CFNM encounters seem to enjoy the experience of being naked, exposed and even somewhat vulnerable in front of a confident, domimant and clothed woman. Sometimes they are required to perform certain acts of servitude for the clothed female while they are naked, other times they may even be directed to do various tasks, some sexual in nature, some not. Other men appear to enjoy being forced into engaging in various degrees of humiliating acts while they are naked in front of the clothed female.
Jay recently has been bringing this form of erotic fantasy and humiliation into a more regular practice in his life. Jay placed on ad on Craig's List not long ago seeking a Mistress who might indulge him in this fetish. Though Craig's List, he met such a woman, and for the past couple of months, Jay and his Mistress have been engaging in various CFNM scenarios.
Throughout our interview, it becomes apparent that through exploring the CFNM fetish, Jay was able to reach a level of submission by being objectified by his the females in his life when he is placed in the more vulnerable position of presenting himself in the nude to women while she/they remain clothed, and essentially in complete control over Jay and his sexuality.
**************
Miz Ava: We were talking the other day about the ad you placed on Craig's List and the women you've met...you mentioned your current Mistress is somewhat younger than you?
Jay: (laughs) Right, I'm 49 she is 38....she answered an ad I placed about CFNM
Miz Ava: And you enjoy submitting to someone younger than you?
Jay: Yes I do, even though I'm older she treats me like I'm younger
Miz Ava: Which is a pretty fascinating dynamic
Jay: Very much so
Miz Ava: Have you had many other relationships where the woman was significantly younger?
Jay: A couple of years ago but that was more of a romantic situation, not like this
Miz Ava: So that was a more "traditional" relationship for you then?
Jay: Yes
Miz Ava: Have you been in situations similar to this current relationship...like, where you have been in a more overt submissive role?
Jay: Not for this long its usually "one and done"
Jay: She has control of me and she knows it
Miz Ava: So its usually a one time situation for you....until this time
Jay: Yes
Miz Ava: Tell me more about your desire to explore CFNM situations. When did you realize this was something that excited you?
Jay: A female friend told me about it a couple of years ago
Miz Ava: Do you remember how the topic was brought up?
Jay: Well actually this has some roots with me.... I never knew what I desired and enjoyed all these years was called "CFNM"
Miz Ava: I see...
Jay: We were talking about our childhoods and different things kids did
Miz Ava: Can you talk to be a little about where you think this stems from for you?
Jay: As we discussed things about when we were younger... I had two older sisters I was the yougest of three
Jay: And as they got older my parents trusted them, especially the older one, to baby sit me rather than to pay someone else
Jay: It started out with seemingly harmless things....they used to tickle me some but not much more... just my sides and feet and arm pits
Miz Ava: Ok
Jay: One day, my parents were going to a wedding and my sisters were going to watch over me all day and night
Miz Ava: Yes
Jay: I remember how it seemed like my sisters got excited to make sure I got my bath
Miz Ava: So they seemed to get excited over the idea of you taking your bath
Jay: Yes
Miz Ava: What was it they did or said that made you know they were excited about this?
Jay: Just from the way they talked about it
Miz Ava: Ok
Miz Ava: We were talking the other day about the ad you placed on Craig's List and the women you've met...you mentioned your current Mistress is somewhat younger than you?
Jay: (laughs) Right, I'm 49 she is 38....she answered an ad I placed about CFNM
Miz Ava: And you enjoy submitting to someone younger than you?
Jay: Yes I do, even though I'm older she treats me like I'm younger
Miz Ava: Which is a pretty fascinating dynamic
Jay: Very much so
Miz Ava: Have you had many other relationships where the woman was significantly younger?
Jay: A couple of years ago but that was more of a romantic situation, not like this
Miz Ava: So that was a more "traditional" relationship for you then?
Jay: Yes
Miz Ava: Have you been in situations similar to this current relationship...like, where you have been in a more overt submissive role?
Jay: Not for this long its usually "one and done"
Jay: She has control of me and she knows it
Miz Ava: So its usually a one time situation for you....until this time
Jay: Yes
Miz Ava: Tell me more about your desire to explore CFNM situations. When did you realize this was something that excited you?
Jay: A female friend told me about it a couple of years ago
Miz Ava: Do you remember how the topic was brought up?
Jay: Well actually this has some roots with me.... I never knew what I desired and enjoyed all these years was called "CFNM"
Miz Ava: I see...
Jay: We were talking about our childhoods and different things kids did
Miz Ava: Can you talk to be a little about where you think this stems from for you?
Jay: As we discussed things about when we were younger... I had two older sisters I was the yougest of three
Jay: And as they got older my parents trusted them, especially the older one, to baby sit me rather than to pay someone else
Jay: It started out with seemingly harmless things....they used to tickle me some but not much more... just my sides and feet and arm pits
Miz Ava: Ok
Jay: One day, my parents were going to a wedding and my sisters were going to watch over me all day and night
Miz Ava: Yes
Jay: I remember how it seemed like my sisters got excited to make sure I got my bath
Miz Ava: So they seemed to get excited over the idea of you taking your bath
Jay: Yes
Miz Ava: What was it they did or said that made you know they were excited about this?
Jay: Just from the way they talked about it
Miz Ava: Ok
Miz Ava: What scared you?
Jay: Well first off, I was outnumbered and they were the opposite sex
Miz Ava: Right
Jay: So they got their orders from my parents and I was told to make sure I listen to them
Miz Ava: Sure and you knew that essentially your well being was in their hands
Jay: Yes
Miz Ava: So they had that leverage over you too
Jay: Yes, so after that my day proceeded as normal I went over a neighbors house to play
Jay: It got to be about 5 pm, and my friends neighbor said my sister called and was coming to get me
Miz Ava: Yes..
Jay: I had forgotten about my sisters babysitting me
Miz Ava: Ah, ok
Jay: I began to think and got scared
Miz Ava: And then what happened?
Jay: I went home they had dinner ready and as we had dessert, the oldest told me to take my bath after dinner. They did not want me to get it too late
Miz Ava: Of course
Jay: After dinner, I put on the tv and my one sister went upstairs and I heard the water running
Miz Ava: Yes, go on...
Jay: Soon, the other sister said, "ok lets go"
Jay: In my head I thought, what is going on here? Why are they both helping me?
Miz Ava: Did you not expect them to?
Jay: I figured one of them would
Miz Ava: I see...it struck you as odd that both would be involved in bath time
Jay: So I walked upstairs with my sister behind me...and went to my room which is down the hall from the bathroom
Jay: Neither followed me into my room, but eventually one came back to tell me to hurry up because she needed my clothes to wash
Jay: So I had my tshirt and undies left on and I asked her, should I just drop them right here? And she said "yes"
Miz Ava: Had you ever been nude in front of either of them like that before?
Jay: In a casual way but my parents were always in the house before
Miz Ava: Ok
Jay: So I was nude and she glanced over and said go getinto your bath as she picked up my clothes. I hurried down the hall and entered the bathroom, but my other sister was not there
Jay: I felt relieved and I closed the door and got in the tub
Jay:I began to wash and for a moment my fears left me. But I heard the door creak open and they were both outside asking if i was ok
Jay: I told them yes, I was. Then the oldest sister walked in and said my mom wanted her to check to make sure I had washed my hair
Jay :I told her I was fine but she proceeded to reach for the shampoo
Jay: She sat on the tub and watched as I finished washing up and she began to wet my head and wash my hair. Of course I closed my eyes, so I never knew if she was looking at me
Miz Ava: But you probably sensed she was
Jay: Yes
Jay: That was the beginning of it. After that, it seemed like there were somehow situations where I often was naked in front of one or both of them
Miz Ava: And so this memory of you being exposed in front of them seems to have planted the seed for your adult fantasies?
Jay: I think so, since I was convinced that they enjoyed seeing me naked
Miz Ava: Interesting....its as if knowing of their enjoyment contributed to yours as well on some levels
Jay: Yes
Miz Ava: Did you ever feel humiliated at all by any of this?
Jay: At the very beginning, yes
Miz Ava: But then something shifted....and you began to associate a kind of pleasure with being naked or on display in front of clothed females
Jay: Yes, that's right
Miz Ava: Besides the current one, would you characterize any of your adult relationships as ones where you were knowingly submissive to your partner?
Jay:A few times I experienced that with my former wife
Miz Ava: Can you explain that a bit?
Jay: She knew how much I loved her and enjoyed her sexual advancements toward me
Miz Ava: So you preferred her to take a more dominating role in terms of your sexual relationship?
Jay: Oh yes
Miz Ava: And she was comfortable with this?
Jay: I think so. For example, she told me how she loved to perform oral sex, but she didn't enjoy my pubic hairs getting into her mouth and she asked me if it was ok to trim my pubic hair or consider becoming smooth for her. I told her it was not a problem so we made a date after work and she shaved me bald.
Jay: We both loved it
Miz Ava: And you felt this was an act of submission toward her?
Jay: I did because I had never even trimmed down there let alone shave it all off
Miz Ava: Right, that was a big step for you!
Jay: Yes but she made it easy and I have to admit I liked it because she liked it so much
Miz Ava: Of course...and it wasn't as though you were forced into this
Jay: Right
Miz Ava: And she was encouraging, which helps
Jay: Yes, and sometimes she would order to me to do things like remove my bath towel in front of her or she'd lie on the bed bed and look under the covers at me naked
Miz Ava: Was she clothed when she would do those things to you?
Jay: Yes. Then, it was about a month or so after that when she brought up the idea of bondage
Miz Ava: Interesting
Jay: I thought so
Miz Ava: So what happened from there?
Jay: She would use my ties to tie me up and leave me lying spread eagle and she'd just tease me
Miz Ava: And how did that go?
Jay: It was nice but also frustrating. She enjoyed bringing me to the brink and stopping and starting over and doing it all again
Miz Ava: So she would control your orgasm
Jay: Yes
Miz Ava: Did she ever deny you outright?
Jay: No, but sometimes I thought she was going to
Miz Ava: And that's the exciting (though agonizing) part...not knowing what she might do and just surrendering your will like that
Jay: Yes and eventually I became ok with it, and succomed to her desire to get my penis fully erect and leaking and then she'd just go away and leave me like that
Miz Ava: Sounds like some serious teasing. Were there other ways she dominated you?
Jay: At family affairs she would bring it up our sex life to her siblings. She even had me show her sister my shaved cock and balls
Miz Ava: Wow. And so you were then displayed in front of her sister
Jay: Yes
Miz Ava: Was that humiliating for you?
Jay: Well it was obvious they wanted to see my penis
Miz Ava: So would you say you felt objectified?
Jay: Yes, but I did like this more as time went on
Miz Ava: So it excited you just the same
Jay: When I was naked in front of my wife, all it would take was for her to just talk to me and without any physcial contact I'd get an erection
Miz Ava: What would she say to you?
Jay: How great I looked... and asking me whether my erection bothered me
Jay: She enjoyed me getting arosued with out any contact. Sometimes she would tell me to go our bedroom and wait for her. When she'd come upstairs, she'd tell me to undress. She would stay dressed and would sit down and talk to me and play with my cock during this time.
Miz Ava: So how long were you married to your ex wife?
Jay: 22 years
Miz Ava: Wow, that's quite a long time! Can I ask why the relationship ended?
Jay: She began cheating on me with her boss
Miz Ava: Oh, ok
Jay: Toward the end we had not had sex for a while
Miz Ava: I understand
Miz Ava: So by the time your marriage ended, you had actually expereinced CFNM scenarios quite a bit
Jay: Yes, that's right
Miz Ava: Did you consciously think of what you were doing as an act of submission?
Jay: No, but I realized I like to be controlled by women who enjoy doing this
Miz Ava: I see. Now today, you would recognize that these are submissive tendencies that you have?
Jay: Oh yes. But now I succumb to them.
Miz Ava: Yes, you have become comfortable in your submission
Jay: Very much so
Miz Ava: Why do you think it fits you so well?
Jay: I enjoy pleasing women that enjoy having their way with me. My current mistress has talked about sharing me.
Miz Ava: And you've had what seems to be a lifelong history of being in situations where women have objectified you and this has brought you a lot of pleasure
Jay: Yes, this does
Miz Ava: So you've associated your submission with something pleasurable, erotic even
Jay: Yes, exactly
Miz Ava: Now the younger lady you are currently seeing---when you got together with her, was it established right away that you were in a Mistress/Submissive relationship?
Jay: Yes I put an ad on Craig's List for a CFNM relationship, not for a girlfriend
Miz Ava: Right
Miz Ava: And she responded with the intent of becoming your Mistress
Jay: Yes. At the beginning she liked the fact I could be around her while I was nude and she did not owe me anything or have any sexual obligtaion toward me.
Jay: She told me she liked looking at naked men
Miz Ava: Has she been naked in front of you?
Jay: Not fully yet
Jay: I've given her back massages, nothing else
Miz Ava: And you've been seeing her for how long?
Jay: 6 weeks
Miz Ava: Yes, ok
Jay: I've washed and made love to her feet
Miz Ava: Nice
Jay: Yes, she shows her appreciation
Miz Ava: And she has mentioned sharing you at some point?
Jay: She has, yes
Miz Ava: And how do you feel about this?
Jay: Its fine. She has a close friend of who is over weight and had not been with a guy for some time
Miz Ava: And what would your role be in that?
Jay: To do whatever she asks me to do
Miz Ava: I see
Miz Ava: What do you think makes a good submissive? What are some important traits?
Jay: You must be a good listener and be able to take orders as specified by others
Jay: For me I enjoy being a sub to the female gender
Miz Ava: Yes, you clearly have some strong feelings tied in with female superiority
Jay: Yes and I'm fine with it
Miz Ava: And there is nothing wrong with that!
Jay: Thank you.
Miz Ava: Wow, you've shared so much with me! This has been just great. Thank you.
*******
And for the record, to be true to his fetish, Jay did offer to expose himself and masturbate on his webcam for me toward the conclusion of our interview. I explained to him that this is not something acceptable for an informal occasion such as these interviews, but this is something that many clients of Phone Humiliation enjoy doing for Mistresses during their sessions.
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