A Sissy Named Pantysue

To me gender is not physical at all, but is altogether insubstantial. It is soul, perhaps, it is talent, it is taste, it is environment, it is how one feels, it is light and shade, it is inner music. . . ~ Jan Morris

Today's discussion and interview are brought to The Erotic and Sensual Humiliation Newsletter courtesy of a very vivacious, open, and animated sissy male who goes by the nickname of Pantysue.

Pantysue has been exploring femaleness in recent years in a myriad of ways. She enjoys talking about the different steps taken to cultivate and nurture the need she has to experience a kind of "escape" that allows her to satisfy her cravings for things feminine.

There are a variety of forms sissy-hood takes. As you will read, a man who identifies himself as a sissy is not necessarily a homosexual. In fact, for many sissies it is about the rush that comes with surrendering their masculine tendencies (even if for a brief duration) in front of and for the benefit and amusement of an efficacious woman. Whether a sissy male puts on panties or women's clothing, shaves some or all of his body hair, styles his hair in a feminine manner or enjoys having his Mistress penetrate him with a strap-on dildo, the main theme seems to be one of relinquishing control of the perceived masculine. Some sissies have no desire to include men in their fantasies or experiences and others express this is something they relish. Yet other sissies simply enjoy the commaradarie afforded to them by sharing "female" oriented activities and past times through good old fashioned girl talk with women who may or may not neccesarily be Mistresses or domme's.

In a society where sexuality is an oft debated topic, one might wonder why a man (whether he is heterosexual, bisexual or gay) would want to deliberately subject himself to potentially humiliating encounters which ultimately flip notions of gender and sexuality on their collective heads. Yet, I think that within that very statement lies, at least partially, the explanation. Let's face it people, in the majority of the Western world even today, we still believe that men are supposed to be strong, aggressive, powerful, dynamic and in charge--all of the time. That's a lot of pressure. There is also something subversively satisfying about behaving in the opposite way of how society expects a person to present him or herself based on the gender they were born with. For the sissy male, regardless of whether it is a lifestyle choice or a temporary retreat from the societal imposed restrictions of gender, embracing a feminine approach to relating in the world can be a necessary way to just....let...go. Add to that the fantasy element of being "forced" to surrender one's masculinity and submit their will to their domme, and you have the makings of a potent power exchange between the sissy male and the dominant who is directing the scene.

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Miz Ava: Thanks for agreeing to be interviewed, pantysue. Let me start by asking you what prompted you to explore what it meant to be a sissy/submissive?

pantysue: I loved wearing lingerie from a very young age... started to like the look of femdoms in my late teens. Eventually the two came together and being the sissy submissive was where I felt the most at home...

Miz Ava: How would you define the word "sissy"?

pantysue: A male who wants to act and dress as a female, but knows that being able to truly live as a female will never happen... but he still somewhat relishes the thought of trying! He also would enjoy wearing pretty lacy frilly stuff so that there is no question!

Miz Ava: Would you say there is a difference between a sissy and a cross-dressing (CD) male?

pantysue: Oh yes...

Miz Ava: Please share your thoughts and feelings on this...because a lot of people believe these are the same.

pantysue: There are lots of forms of crossdressing... many cross-dressing males are sincerely trying to pass as females

pantysue: A sissy isn't necessarily trying to pass... unless Mistress wants it so

pantysue: I think the sissy aspect of crossdressing is also more of a humiliation sort of thing. In the same way being dressed as a maid has more of an erotic theme to it than just crossdressing, being a sissy has a similar theme but for me it is more of a humiliation thing...

pantysue: I also enjoy hearing Mistress tell me about the boobies I will never have, but how cute I look in my training bra trying... or how silly my sissy clitty is!

Miz Ava: So for you, the humiliation piece is very powerful and desirable

Miz Ava: Would you say that perhaps there is a difference between a sissy and a CD, in that a sissy wants to *be* a girl where a CD just wants to try to look like one, even if for a temporary moment?

pantysue: Sometimes... but for me it is as simple as the difference between wearing a black thong or lacy pink panties with a pretty bow on them. A CD might be trying to look like a real passable woman in the best way s/he could... a sissy doesn't mind that everyone knows s/he is not a woman!

Miz Ava: Ah, that's a very key point

pantysue: As for the humiliation part... it varies. Sometimes that is fun, other times just "girl talk" is fun. I love to do all sorts of things!

Miz Ava: Does the humiliation element become erotic for you when you engage in it with a Mistress?

pantysue: Without a doubt... can I use You as an example Miz Ava?

Miz Ava: Certainly, pantysue

pantysue: Well You do have such lovely breasts.... having me tell You how beautiful they are, and then You telling me that I can only dream of having such lovely breasts would get me going. Comparing my AA bra to Yours... that sort of thing... maybe even having me buy a bra for You and sending to You

pantysue: There are lots of places this humilation can go...

Miz Ava: It sounds like for you, being humiliated has more to do with hearing/knowing that you essentially lack something...the certain physical traits of femaleness---is that correct?

pantysue: Yes... All of You Mistresses are so gorgeous!

pantysue: I guess it is the opposite of penis envy?

Miz Ava: You know, that's a good way of looking at it! I never quite thought of it that way. So, what are some of the other places humiliation can go for you?

pantysue: There is the shopping humiliation... having to ask the sales lady to help me find the right bra

Miz Ava: The public humiliation....very, very powerful

pantysue: Just going into the nail salon was humiliating... but I got way over that! Also, having to wear my cock cage in publicmakes me feel somewhat humiliated.

Miz Ava: In your blog you mentioned becoming more comfortable with shopping, are you finding it to be easier to go out and buy girlie items?

pantysue: Each time things get easier... but that is why Ms Grace will keep adding a twist to my next assignment. Keeps this sissy on the edge

Miz Ava: Yes, that is very key

pantysue: Never pushing too far... just enough!

Miz Ava: Exactly, there is a balance

pantysue: But I should tell You one thing that may have been as erotic as anything!

Miz Ava: Oh please do!

pantysue: The first time Ms Grace had me take my bubble bath and all, she made me wrap the towel around myself as a woman would wrap a towel around her body...I had the towel around my boobies and this was as erotic as anything! It was such a simple gesture, but certainly something that helps make the wo/man!

Miz Ava: Very often those simple gestures are the most potent ones

Miz Ava: Now, tell me....do you enjoy dressing fully in female clothing or do you prefer the lingerie, accessories to full female attire?

pantysue: I have done it, but I am really not passable...

Miz Ava: Have you ever gone out dressed in full?

pantysue: Most of the time it is panties and bra with falsies and a nightie...I've never gone out dressed other than wearing panties. Another simple thing I enjoy is wearing women's deodrant.

Miz Ava: Very nice!! Do you often wear panties/bras/lingerie under your regular masculine attire?

pantysue: As much as I can... its hard to hide the bra though

Miz Ava: That is true. What are some of your favorite pieces of underthings/lingerie?

pantysue: I just had this pink satin training bra custom made for me through eBay... it is sooooo sweet! Also, all of my panties have to be either pink, have flowers on them or lace. that is part of the sissy thing in my mind. A CD could wear "Jockey for Her" and someone might not think twice if they were seen. Lacy pink panties on the other hand...

Miz Ava: Right...there is no mistaking what wearing lacy pink panties represents

pantysue: I love wearing heels too...I was actually surprised how easy it was for me!

Miz Ava: Do you have many pairs of women's shoes?

pantysue: No... just a pair of heels and a pair of jeweled sandals. I would love to get a pair of the mirabou slippers though... pink of course!

Miz Ava: Of course (smiles)

Miz Ava: Tell me what it was like when you went for that first pedicure....what was going through your head when you were in the salon, waiting for them to call on you?

pantysue: Probably the biggest thing was hoping no one I knew came in....

Miz Ava: Were there many people there that day?

pantysue: No... just two other women, both getting manicures. I was the only one getting a pedicure.Once it started it was great... but asking for the top coat was a little scary. But just like with shopping... each time gets easier! At my pedi last week, I even asked for a light pink polish!

Miz Ava: That must have been an exciting step for you

Miz Ava: How did you feel the women who worked in the salon behaved toward you, that first visit?

pantysue: She was actually fine... the second one was more chatty with me. I think if a sissy feels at ease the women around her do too!

Miz Ava: That's a very perceptive thing to notice. And it makes a lot of sense

pantysue: I am pretty comfortable about most of thsese things... even asking for XL panties at Victoria's Secret. Did You know that they don't carry XL in their stores except for some of the granny type in the far back?

Miz Ava: No, I didn't know that....

pantysue: See what You learn chatting with pantysue!

Miz Ava: I love learning new things!

pantysue: I searched dozens of drawers at one VS.... finally asked the sales lady at the second one!

Miz Ava: Did you find a nice pair or were you stuck with the granny panties?

pantysue: I also went to Macy's... they have more of my size

Miz Ava: Tell me, is there anyone in your life that knows of this part of you?

pantysue: No one knows of this sissy school part of me...

Miz Ava: What brought you to the Sissy School site?

pantysue: It is so opposite from the me in my business world!

pantysue: The first site I actually looked into was Xtra Talk with MsJane.... it was pretty cool, but She stopped taking calls, so I kept searching. Was with House of Sissification for some time... but when I saw the Mistresses at SissySchool I was hooked!

Miz Ava: And how long ago was this?

pantysue: Probably in and out for a couple of years!

Miz Ava: Wow...pretty cool!

pantysue: No matter what other sites I try...I always seem to come back!

Miz Ava: Well, its nice to have you with us! Now you mentioned just a moment ago...about how thisside of you is quite the opposite of how you present in your work world

pantysue: Yes?

Miz Ava: Do you feel that it helps to have this separate from the other areas of your life...like engaging in sissy activity is a way for you to relax and unwind? Or would you prefer to have this overlap with the rest of your life, if you didn't have to worry about dealing with issues other people might have?

pantysue: It is absolutely the relax and escape thing... Ms Grace joked about how She gets home and takes off Her bra to relax, I get to my hotel and put mine on to relax!

Miz Ava: Oh, that is classic!!

Miz Ava: So would you want this to be a part of your daily life, if you knew there wouldn't be repurcussions?

pantysue: I am not sure about that part of the question, but I think just having this fantasy played out every once in a while keeps it fun and special!

Miz Ava: That's a very interesting thing you just said

pantysue: I do like my real life.... it has been pretty good to me! It affords me the opportunity to spend all the time I do with the Mistresses

pantysue: So much of what is erotic is in the head... anticipation of things can really be great!

Miz Ava: I understand. I do wonder that if what makes this work for you is the fact that it is something you choose to do as a way of treating yourself....like you said, indulging in the fantasy once in a while makes it more special. Oh I agree....the brain is the most potent sexual organ we have!

Miz Ava: Anticipation is a huge factor in building up toward fantasy, I agree

pantysue: There does need to be that little edge... trying something new each time. Although doing things like the bubble bath and reading Glamour always work

Miz Ava: I think we all like to be able to push boundaries a little more in these kinds of scenarios....there is a rush that comes with challenging yourself in new ways, isn't there?

pantysue: I just am not sure if I am ready to try that fuck-me-red nail polish yet!

Miz Ava: Baby steps, sweet pantysue...baby steps

Miz Ava: By the way, where did the name pantysue come from? I know you love panties...but how did you arrive at the screen name?

pantysue: Not exactly sure, but probably from "Peggy Sue" figured it was a cute name...

pantysue: There probably is something else we should discuss...

Miz Ava: Sure, go right ahead

pantysue: I like to be made to suck a dildo and even get fucked... but I'm not into men. Its strictly the strap-on for me!

Miz Ava: I'm glad you brought that up....many people have a misconception about the sexuality aspect-- just because someone is a sissy, that does not automatically imply they are into men

pantysue: There is something about being in panties and bra on my knees, mouth around the dildo staring up at a Mistresses beautiful breasts...well... that just about covers it all!

Miz Ava: Well I think it comes back to a need you have to get lost in a more submissive side of your personality...even if only temporarily

pantysue: There is something about being denied access to Your pussy too that is erotic... because we both know you are saving it for a real man!

Miz Ava: Denial can be a powerful tool...and combined with the right touch of humiliation...it can be a heady experience

pantysue: You aren't even asking questions now! It's like I am on Your couch...

Miz Ava: Ahhhh pantysue..."Dr." Ava has ways of getting you to reveal all to me....(laughs)

Miz Ava: Tell me....what do you enjoy best about this part of your life?

pantysue: My whole life or this part?

Miz Ava: The sissy part

pantysue: It changes I guess....used to be just putting on the lingerie.. right now though I am enjoying giving myself up to Ms Grace. I never thought I would enjoy cock control, but there is something erotic about Her controling me.

Miz Ava: Yes, giving up control like that is often very erotic

pantysue: The other night, She let me take off the cage.... get right to the brink then made me put it back on. It was an excrutiating night, but instead of the hotel wake up call, it came from Her! Once She let me remove the cage it took no time!

Miz Ava: Wow....that is very intense!

pantysue: It sure was...

Miz Ava: Is there anything you can think of that we haven't touched on that you'd like to discuss before we wrap up?

pantysue: I can't think of anything in particular... so am I pretty typical?

Miz Ava: Yes, I think you are typical in the way you describe how you enjoy the fantasy aspect and how this becomes a way for you to indulge in a more submissive part of yourself

Miz Ava: I also think that you are unique in that you are open about wanting to keep an edge to your experiences...you seem to like pushing the envelope just a bit...even if you are not completely sure what those boundaries are beforehand

pantysue: Makes it exciting...

Miz Ava: Which offers the opportunity for some pretty amazing experiences!

pantysue: What's the worst thing that is going to happen in Victoria's Secret? They actually find a AA and XL matching bra and panty set?

Miz Ava: Right! Now that's putting things into perspective!

Miz Ava: I think we all owe it to ourselves to live 'outside of the box' once in a while...otherwise we become stale, dull and even a little sad

Miz Ava: There really are so many ways to explore sexuality

pantysue: We sure do need to explore... maybe I will even try the fuck me red sometime!

Miz Ava: Ya never know...

pantysue: Bet You look good in it though!

Miz Ava: The most important thing is that you are happy with where you are, pantysue

Miz Ava: And red is a good color for me, yes

pantysue: I couldn't be happier...

Miz Ava: But you have a good balance on things...that is key

pantysue: Good balance and a little edge....

Miz Ava: Ahhh....the very best two things in combination!!

Miz Ava: So much possibility exists in that

Miz Ava: You have been such a pleasure to talk to

pantysue: Thank You Mistress... it has been this sissy's pleasure!

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On a final note, I just would like to request that all readers keep in mind that these interviews are meant to be entertaining, informative and ideally educational. If the subject matter of today's (or any day's) newsletter if offensive or if a reader does not agree with the interviewees lifestyle choice, I simply ask that an attitude of tolerance be maintained and that flaming or harrassing of any kind be refrained from.